The Need for Human Connection

There’s a real necessity for humans to connect with one another. In ‘Connect or Die’ Wendy Marman explains why humans begin to wither and die without connection as opposed to growing and thriving.

Connect Or Die

“The need for connection and community is primal, as fundamental as the need for air, water, and food.” Dean Ornish

“A good friend is a connection to life, a tie to the past, a road to the future.” Lois Wyse

Connection brings the gift of life. Without it we may die – physically, mentally or emotionally. Babies, without connection, are more likely to ‘fail to thrive’ and physically die. But a connection is more than physical. If we lose connection to our hopes and dreams we may appear to die on the inside which is often followed by physical deterioration. A connection is Step 2 to Creating Your Best Year Yet…and, as it is like air, water and oxygen, critical for life.

In this blog, I want to introduce you to connection in three areas.

1. Connection to self
2. Connection to others
3. Connection to our hopes and dreams

CONNECTING TO SELF

When we are fully connected with ourselves we are in a position, as Brendon Burchard, describes it, to “create our own world and our own definitions of what it means to live and progress.” But why and what is self-connection anyway? It is said;

‘We see the world the world, not as it is but as we are.’

Understanding and connecting with ourselves opens the door to new connections with the world and a new quality of life. Self-connection is seeing ourselves as we are, no more no less and recognising that, with choice, we can grow and become an ever better version of ourselves.

How do we do it?  – How do I connect with me? How do you connect with you?

We connect by becoming curious and honest with ourselves. We put on our learners’ hat. We ask ourselves questions and discover the answers – without putting a positive or negative on it – we just get understanding. Beating oneself up for not being ‘good enough’ is NOT HELPFUL.

No comparing ourselves with others, instead we reflect. We ask questions of ourselves like –

1. Why did I do that?
2. Why do I feel this way?
3. Did responding that way help?
4. How could I respond differently?
5. Do I have faith in me?
6. Do I trust me?

Do I live up to my word, even when it is inconvenient? Why, why not?

If the tables were turned and I was …, how would have I felt? How would have I responded?

By being curious and honest, we discover who we are and what is most important in our lives – not just what someone tells us is important. We find what gives us energy and what drains our energy and what to do about that. We are real with ourselves – and that allows us to be real with others.

Start now 

1. List your top 5 strengths? Write them down.
2. List your top 5 weaknesses. Who do you know who has strengths in the areas of your weaknesses? How can they help you?
3. Finish the sentences… “I am excited and energetic when_________________.
4. I feel most happy and successful when_____________________.
5. The values I choose to live my life by are___________________.

These answers become the starting point to the future best you!

 CONNECTING TO OTHERS

“Our brains, whether divinely inspired or genetically mutated, have become tuning forks for social connection and attachment. Our desire to bond and belong outweighs almost every other desire – often even our desire for survival.” Brendon Burchard, The Charge

“It is well to remember that the entire population of the universe, with one trifling exception, is composed of others.” John A. Holmes Jr.

We are not alone. At work, at home, in our community, we touch the lives of other people and they touch our lives every day. We talk, we give instructions, we listen, sometimes, we think we are understood – only to find often we are misunderstood. What we thought was clear has been interpreted totally differently. We may have communicated but we have not connected. Often we communicate but only sometimes do we connect.

Positive connections create joy in life

Yet the more deeply we connect with others the greater joy we will experience, the higher we will perform and the greater results we will experience in our lives and in the contribution we will make to our world. In short, the greater our connections – the greater our life!

Just as there are skills that that can be learned to communicate more effectively, so there are skills that can help us connect better. But a connection is more than skill. Character, identity and purpose play a huge part in connection. That is why self-connection and the choices we make about who we are, what we stand for and how we grow are the foundation and impact our ability to connect with others.

Consider:

1. When you connect with others, do you seek to connect because you value them or because you want them to do something for you?
2. Are your listening skills equal to your speaking skills?
3. When you relate with us do you inspire others and are you inspired in turn?
4. What makes me happy and connected in my friendships?
5. If I could connect even more deeply in my key family relationships, what does that look like?
6. What can I do today to deepen those relationships even more?

CONNECTING WITH OUR HOPES AND DREAMS

“What I expect out of life will determine what I’m willing to put in.”  Wendy Marman

Is it worth it? I have heard that question so often, as difficulties are faced and dreams are doubted. I ask you a different question. Are you worth it? All things worth going after are going to include challenges. The more valuable they are the harder they will be and the more challenges will be faced.

If we only have a list of HOW… and we can’t do one step, we will flounder. We will stop and most likely fail.

But if we have a vision that puts energy in our heart and soul, in other words, when we know are WHY then we will find a way.

It, whatever our hopes and dreams are, will take longer, be harder and work out somewhat differently than we expect – but will be absolutely WORTH IT. This is my experience and my clients experience. This is the human experience.

You will know you have connected to your dream and vision when you are prepared to PAY THE PRICE, do whatever it takes, for as long as it takes.

1. What price am I prepared to pay to realise my dream?
2. How long am I prepared to work at this before giving up?
3. What is the impact of not achieving my dream? Can I live with that?

Connect today and be a friend to yourself and others.

Sources:

Permission – Wendy Marman – Equipped 4 Success – Connect or Die’