When Teens Abuse Their Parents - Domestic Violence - aifc

Often domestic violence in the home happens when teens suddenly change to show excessive aggression towards their parents or guardian in the form of verbal or physical abuse.   While these adults are subject to terrible behaviour and treatment that they normally wouldn’t accept from anyone else, they tend to tolerate their child’s outbursts and violence towards them through a sense of guilt, shame or humiliation.

Most cases go unreported by parents who are victimised by their teens in order to protect their child. 

What is Parent Abuse?

Dr John Townsend writes, “Parent abuse – when a mother, father or other guardian is being harmed by a child (usually a teen) – is often kept secret. Because of the stigma attached to this phenomenon, there are few statistics or formal reports detailing the size and scope of the problem. But in families of troubled teens, this physical, mental and emotional mistreatment is often reported as a part of other behaviour issues in the home.”

He continues to state that, “Some families hide parental abuse out of guilt or shame, while others fear retaliation from the child for reporting the abuse. Sometimes, the parent shoulders the mistreatment in an effort to shield other more vulnerable people in the home, such as younger siblings or grandparents. They believe that by taking the abuse, they can protect others who might fall into their violent teen’s line of fire. In other instances, the parent may keep quiet simply because they fear they will be blamed or held responsible for their teen’s behaviour.”

“Parent abuse can present itself in many forms. It can range from physical harm – kicking, punching, shoving, etc. – to the less-visible, but just as damaging psychological and verbal abuse. Name calling, belittling, manipulating and threatening a parent can be as damaging to the family as actual physical harm.”

“In some instances, the pattern of abuse shifts over time, and as the family dynamics change. It might start with hurtful words and verbal disrespect in the tween years, and over time, can escalate to physical violence as the child grows physically larger and stronger, or simply as they become more comfortable with mistreating their loved ones.”

Why do kids feel the need to harm their parents?

Dr Townsend Explains, “When it comes to parental abuse, the question of “why?” is not an easy one. Most often, the behaviour is a symptom of a larger psychological or emotional problem. In some cases, the teen has learned the abuse at the hands of other adults, and is a victim of mistreatment themselves. Other teens may lash out at their mother, father or other trusted adults as a result of drug or alcohol addiction, either while they are under the influence or as a result of withdrawals or fits of rage when they can’t secure their drug of choice.”

What do I do If my child has become violent or abusive?

Contrary to popular belief, not all teens who  become abusive are addicted to drugs.  However there may be an underlying mental health issue at play and help is available for both the parents and the teenager for their own safety.

Dr Townsend writes, “No matter what the cause, parents should not quietly endure any kind of abuse from their child. Intervention is absolutely essential – not only for the safety of the abused parent and others in the home, but for the teen abuser, too. Intervention is critical to stop the pattern of abuse, and to prevent the teen from growing up to abuse his or her own spouse and children in the future.”

He further explains, “Behavioural modifications, medication, counselling and programs that provide therapeutic treatment to troubled teens may all help your teen, and your family recover from parental abuse. Unfortunately answers do not come over night. Any parent suffering from parent abuse has a long road ahead of them.”

“Most importantly, parents must not sacrifice their own safety – or the security of other family members in the home – to protect their violent teen. Violence generally increases when left unattended.“

Who do I contact?

In many cases the only recourse would be to call 000 in an emergency for your own safety and for the safety of your child.

Where to Get Help

Talk to your doctor and see a mental health professional.
Visit CCAA to search for a Christian counsellor near you.
Visit ACA to search for a counsellor near you.

Studying at aifc

Have you thought about counselling?   It’s a great opportunity to learn how you can extend God’s love and grace to the hurting out in the community.

For those who would like to enrol in aifc’s accredited Christian counselling courses we have two intakes per year for courses commencing around the following months:

The beginning of each year in February
-Mid-Year courses commence in July

Enrolment Season – opens approximately 2 months prior our courses commencing. Enquire now and fill out the form with your details to receive course information by email.  Enrol online here during our enrolment season.

Those living overseas can study aifc’s courses via our Distance Based Program.
The International  Student Program,  enables those with a student visa to Study On Campus in Sydney.

Note: A Master of Counselling course was introduced in 2018.

Contact aifc Monday to Friday from 9am – 5pm with your enquiries on 6242 5111 or toll free on 1300 721 397

 

Studying at aifc

Have you thought about becoming a qualified counsellor? It’s a great opportunity to learn how you can extend God's love and grace to the hurting out in the community.

For those who would like to enrol in aifc’s accredited Christian counselling courses we have two intakes per year for courses commencing around the following months:

  • The beginning of each year in February
  • Mid-Year courses commence in July

Enrolment Season - opens approximately 2 months prior to our courses commencing. Enrol online here during our enrolment season.

We also offer two modes of study:

  1. Seminar Blended Mode - only 13 face-to-face days per year
  2. Online Supported Mode - study online only from anywhere

A Master of Counselling course was introduced in 2018.

Contact aifc

Monday to Friday from 9am – 5pm